March 13, 2001: Dancing with Eshu

Tonight I went to my first ritual with American Magic Umbanda House, an African-diaspora-based religious organization led by a very sweet lady everyone calls Mama Renee. Because African-based ritual is so much more 'extroverted' -- dancing, singing, full trance possession so deep that the "horse" sometimes doesn't even remember what went on -- and because I'm a natural medium and was worried that I would "lose control" to a visiting spirit. That last little hangup I attribute as much to my Catholic upbringing ("all spirits are demons, etc etc") as to my own control-freak tendencies.

In retrospect, my fears seem silly. The Orishas have turned out to be kind, wise and welcoming, as have the people in Umbanda House. After the ritual I found myself going out to Triple Rock for lemonade and conversation with people I had just met two hours ago. And even though I am completely exhausted and sore from dancing, I am very happy that I went. Very happy.

Tonight's ritual was for Eshu, the trickster and protector of children and the poor. The 'horse', a big growly-voiced biker named Bear, was taken over completely, bellowed out a huge laugh and wandered around as we danced, flirting with people, giving random advice and telling dirty jokes. I started "shadowing", which is the Umbanda House term for picking up on the energy of someone else's possession. Instead of manifesting as my usual trance, this hit me hard, making me sway in my seat (when I sat) dance very sexily when I stood, and laugh -- laugh uncontrollably, as if I had gotten a cosmic contact high. (Renee later told me that this is very common). I laughed so hard I kept having to fall back into my seat. And somewhere in the middle of that, Eshu wandered over, and he and I had a conversation that I can't divulge the specifics of, but which took me completely by surprise, leaving me baffled, flattered and joyous.

After Eshu partied with us, we had some time to consult with various Orishas and other spirits (one lovely Goth girl wanted to talk to Bast). They gave me advice which is some of the best I have ever gotten; some common sense, such as learning to love myself, and some that made me just go, "duh, why didn't I think of that?" I am grateful to them, and look forward eagerly to going back next time there's an open ritual.